Mr Harada advised me to make way for Tsukiji Market—the largest fish market in the world—to attend their famous tuna auction.

The Fodor’s guide lying around my friend’s house said the market closed to tourists after 6:30am. I set my alarm for 4:30 and was hopelessly lost in the subway system by five. 

I was rescued by a kindly, cockeyed retiree who had just returned from a two-week trip to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

He described his former profession as “salaryman” as he rifled through a suitcase full of maps and history books.

“The Gettysburg Address is in the Preamble to the Japanese Constitution,” he said.

“Oh,” I said. “That’s nice.”

“The Preamble was written by a young US Army Officer during the occupation,” he added.

“Oh,” I said again. “That’s not so nice.”

When I got to Tsukiji station, I followed a pair of pink Scandinavian teenagers marching purposefully towards the auction.

They stopped to check in with the police force charged with keeping foreigners out of the market.

“Sooooo sorry,” said an animated senior officer as he dropped a taped finger onto the warren of sushi shops and knick-knack stores outside the market. “Please eat delicious sushi. Sooooo good sushi.”

Undaunted, the pair snuck along the perimeter and ducked into an aisle of frenetic vendors hoping to penetrate the inner market.

The leader of our expedition, a plump 20 year-old, had been turned away once before, in January. These days, he said, they don’t let anyone in who doesn’t get in line between two and three in the morning.

The fishermen eyed us with disgust. One tossed a bucket of fish water in my general direction, letting out an anguished cry. I get it. They see no value in having 4,000 people photographing them as they work and disrupting their absurdly expensive tuna auction.

“Keep an eye out for the blue policemen,” my leader whispered. “If they catch us, they’ll kick us out.”

Just as the last words escaped his mouth, he crashed into one. After feigning ignorance and getting directions elsewhere, he darted into another loading dock.

I broke away and was quickly intercepted.

I sheepishly followed the friendly fish market Gestappo towards the sushi warren and got in line at a Hawaiian themed rice bowl restaurant.

It ended, for the better, with a delicious breakfast of toro, salmon roe and sea urchin.