I took down the following monologue during breakfast at my hotel in Hanoi. The speaker was a middle-aged German tourist traveling with his aged mother:
[Summoning manager] Boss, boss!
Today is a sad day because we are leaving your hotel.
We must go to Huế and learn more about your country. I want to congratulate you on being such a fine Vietnamese person. I really like the way you treat people.Just like in Thailand—better than in Thailand! Most Vietnamese people are worse than in Thailand.
But not you.
I think you should open an academy to train people to be more like you. We could make a lot of money!
Shortly after he finished, I was arrested for putting him in a headlock and pouring fish sauce up his nostrils.
When the cops arrived and I told them what the guy had said they all gave me high-fives.
I quietly took down what he said and muttered about it for a week afterwards like a giant pussy.